DAN'S PUNDIT-POUNDING ARCHIVES

Here are some of the best stupid (or downright scary) political quotes in recent politics. Most will only go back to around 1988, though a few choice quotes (by people still active in politics today or on still-volatile issues) will predate the late 1980's. (Last updated 7/16/02.)

President Clinton, on Black Entertainment Television (11/2/94):

"African-Americans watch the same news at night that ordinary Americans do."

President Bill Clinton on the United States:

"This is still the greatest country in the world, if we just will steel our wills and lose our minds."

President Ronald Reagan, on his Iran arms for hostages deal:

"A few months ago I told the American people I did not trade arms for hostages. My heart and my best intentions still tell me that's true, but the facts and the evidence tell me it is not."

President Gerald Ford, on baseball:

"I watch a lot of baseball on the radio."

President Bill Clinton trying to quote the Bible during Israeli peace talks:

"Blessed are the peace makers for they shall inherit the Earth."

Bill actually got two of them mixed together. What they actually say are "Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the Earth" and "Blessed are the peace makers for they shall be called the sons of God."

Teamster leader Jimmy Hoffa, three days before his disappearance (1975):

"I don't need a bodyguard."

Enron CEO Kenneth Lay, in a 6/27/95 letter to President Bill Clinton, praising Clinton's budget battle against the Republicans:

"I applaud your political courage and leadership in supporting a balanced federal budget. The debate should be about budget priorities and timing, not whether a commitment should be made to fiscal responsibility."

Geraldine Ferraro, on hearing early on in the 1988 presidential election that George Bush had taken Kentucky:

"Well of course Bush got Kentucky, because it's a Republican city."

Vice-presidential candidate Al Gore, on President George Bush (1992):

"A zebra does not change its spots."

Bill Clinton aide Eli Segal on the Clinton campaign, quoted in the 7/22/92 Wall Street Journal:

"Our campaign is the opposite of 'competence.'"

Chicago mayor Richard J. Daley's infamous quote about the 1968 Democratic Convention riots:

"The police are not here create disorder. The police are here to preserve disorder."

President George Bush on disadvantaged children:

"I mean a child that doesn't have a parent to read to that child or that doesn't see that when the child is hurting to have a parent and help out or neither parent there enough to pick the kid up and dust him off and send him back into the game at school or whatever, that kid has a disadvantage."

Bill Clinton to the New York Times, on why he was having so much trouble leaving a presidential legacy (1997):

"The first thing I had to start with was, you know, we don't have a war. We don't have a depression, we don't have a Cold War."

Sen. Jesse Helms (R-NC) on Bill Clinton's lack of popularity in North Carolina:

"(He'd) better watch out if he comes down here. He'd better have a bodyguard."

Hillary Clinton on Hillary Clinton during a 1996 speech at a Democratic fundraiser:

"Give Bill a second term, and Al Gore and I will be turned loose to do what we really want to do."

Hillary Clinton, on the release of subpoenaed documents:

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."

Chelsea Clinton, to someone wanting to speak to the president:

"You'd better talk to my dad. My mom's pretty busy."

President George Bush, on import laws:

"I can't think of any new existing law that's in force that wasn't before."

President Clinton, during a speech in California (10/17/96):

"The last time I checked, the Constitution said, 'of the people, by the people and for the people.' That's what the Declaration of Independence says."

Actually, that quote came from Abraham Lincoln in the Gettysburg Address, not the Constitution or the Declaration of Independence. But hey, how is a U.S. president supposed to keep all of those straight?

Democratic National Committee chairman Ron Brown, at the 1992 Democratic Convention:

"On behalf of all of you, I want to express my appreciation for this tremendously warm recession."

Washington D.C. mayor Marion Barry, on Washington D.C. (1989):

"Outside of the killings, we have one of the lowest crime rates."

Earl Bush, Chicago mayor Richard J. Daley's press secretary, to reporters concerning Mayor Daley:

"Don't write what he says, write what he means."

President Clinton, on the discovery of a mummy nicknamed "Juanita" (6/96):

"You know, if I were a single man, I might ask that mummy out. That's a good-looking mummy!"

Yeah baby, I like older women too!

St. Paul, Minnesota mayor Jim Scheibel on decisiveness:

"I'm not indecisive. Am I indecisive?"

Fairfax County, VA supervisor Joseph Alexander on a fare hike:

"I am philosophically opposed to any fare increase. That does not mean I will not support one."

Gotta give him credit, at least he's an honest politican.

President Richard Nixon at the funeral of French president Charles DeGaulle (1970):

"This is a great day for France!"

RNC chairman Rich Bond at the 1992 Republican Convention, on Democrats:

"We are America. Those other people are not America."

Georgia governor Lester Maddox on discrimination:

"That's part of American greatness, is discrimination. Yes, sir. Inequality, I think, breeds freedom and gives man opportunity."

Senator Barbara Boxer (D-CA) after the 10/17/89 San Francisco earthquake:

"Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, 'Thank God, I'm still alive.' But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again."

Nancy Reagan, at a "Just Say No" rally:

"I don't intend for this to take on a political tone. I'm just here for the drugs."

On a fund-raising mailer from Sen. Jesse Helms (R-NC):

"Your tax dollars are being used to pay for grade school classes that teach our children that CANNIBALISM, WIFE-SWAPPING, and the MURDER of infants and the elderly are acceptable behavior."

Dan Quayle, on teachers (9/18/90):

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."

Then-Senator Al Gore, on what it takes to win an election (1991):

"You have to rip your opponent's lungs out and then move on."

From a CIA memo, introduced during the Westmoreland/CBS libel suit:

"Have we gone beyond the bounds of reasonable dishonesty?"

Clinton aide Paul Begala on executive orders:

"Stroke of the pen, law of the land. Kinda neat."

From Bill Clinton's first "executive order" (1993):

"Special note to all press from the highest authority: don't touch the cat again."

President Clinton to German leader Helmut Kohl at a NATO meeting in Brussels (1/94):

"I was thinking of you last night, Helmut, because I watched the Sumo wrestling on television."

Personally I didn't think that Herr Kohl was quite that fat.

President Clinton, after an audience member at a Philadelphia speech voiced disagreement with him (5/28/93):

"You know the one thing that's wrong with this country? Everyone gets a chance to have their fair say."

That darn First Amendment just keeps getting in the way, doesn't it?

President Clinton, discussing freedom and responsibility on MTV's show "Enough is Enough" (3/22/94):

"[W]hen we got organized as a country and we wrote a fairly radical Constitution with a radical Bill of Rights, giving a radical amount of individual freedom to Americans, it was assumed that the Americans who had that freedom would use it responsibly.... [However, now] there's a lot of irresponsibility. And so a lot of people say there's too much freedom. When personal freedom's being abused, you have to move to limit it."

The tally for Clinton / Gore's 1996 fundraising efforts, primarily with Chinese businesses and the Chinese military:

Indictments: 22
Convictions: 12
Pleas of the Fifth Amendment: 70
Witnesses leaving the country: 18

A 1988 presidential ad campaign for Al Gore made the following claim:

"A brilliant student, Gore won a scholarship at Harvard where he graduated with honors."

As was pointed out during the 2000 campaign when Gore's camp made the same claim, it was quite untrue. Several newspapers secured transcripts of Gore's record to show that he was an average student, and in fact during his sophomore year at Harvard he made the lower fifth of his class with one B-, 2 C+'s, 2 C's, 2 C-'s, and one D.

Texas House of Representatives speaker Gib Lewis:

"I can not tell you how grateful I am--I am filled with humidity."

President Clinton on gun control (Brunswick, NJ, 5/1/93):

"We can't be so fixated on our desire to preserve the rights of ordinary Americans to legitimately own handguns and rifles."

So what you're saying is that we should preserve the rights of ordinary Americans to illegitimately own guns?

Former New Jersey governor Jim Florio:

"We must all take care to resist the tendency to focus too much attention on the role that criminals and prior offenders play in gun violence."

NPR commentator Nina Totenberg on Sen. Jesse Helms (1995):

"If there is retributive justice, he'll get AIDS from a transfusion, or one of his grandchildren will get it."

Al Gore on a pre-Inauguration tour of Thomas Jefferson's home Monticello, looking at busts of George Washington, Ben Franklin, and the Marquis de Lafayette (1/17/93):

"Who are these people?"

Vice-president Dan Quayle, on history:

"People that are really weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history."

Sen. Jesse Helms (R-NC) on the Washington Post:

"The Post caters to homosexual groups. Just about every person down there is homosexual or lesbian."

President Jimmy Carter in a speech before the Democratic National Committee:

"One of our nation's greatest leaders of all time was Hubert Horatio Hornblower."

Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery:

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."

President George Bush, on political undecideds:

"It is no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go either way."

President Bill Clinton, on India's nuclear testing (5/14/99):

"India.. a perfectly wonderful country, may have been motivated by a lack of self-esteem."

President Ronald Reagan on unemployment insurance:

"It provides prepaid vacations for a segment of our country which has made it a way of life."

Senator and presidential candidate Bob Dole on the Internet (1996):

"The Internet is a good tool to use to get on the Net."

Hillary Clinton to former (Jewish) Clinton aide Dick Morris, while discussing his consulting fees:

"That's all you people care about, is money."

I think their holy books might talk about God now and then, too.

Attorney General Janet Reno, on juries:

"I will always wait until a jury has spoken before I anticipate what they will do."

Sen. Jesse Helms (R-NC), after Mexicans protested his visit to their country to investigate allegations of political corruption (1986):

"All Latins are volatile people. Hence, I was not surprised at the volatile reaction."

Former New York City mayor David Dinkins, on failing to pay his taxes:

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."

Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-MA) during Robert Bork's Supreme Court nomination hearings (1987):

"Robert Bork's America is a land in which women would be forced into back-alley abortions, blacks would sit at segregated lunch counters, rogue police could break down citizen's doors in midnight raids, schoolchildren could not be taught about evolution, writers and artists would be censored at the whim of government, and the doors of the Federal courts would be shut on the fingers of millions of citizens for whom the judiciary is often the only protector of the individual rights that are the heart of our democracy."

President Richard Nixon, on the law:

"When the president does it, that means it is not illegal."

Vice-president Al Gore during his "No controlling legal authority" press conference (3/4/97):

"I am proud of what I did, but I won't do it again."

Senator William Scott (R-VA), when army officers tried discussing missile silos during a Pentagon briefing:

"Wait a minute! I'm not interested in agriculture. I want the military stuff."

From a Vietnam War-era military intelligence document quoted by Army intelligence officer Bruce E. Jones:

"This unit had as estimated strength of about 2,000 men, of which 300 were women."

Former Clinton spokesman Mike McCurry (2/17/98):

"Maybe there'll be a simple, innocent explanation. I don't think so, because I think we would have offered that up already."

Bill Press, referring to Monica Lewinsky and Linda Tripp:

"We should let the girls mud wrestle to settle this."

Rocker Courtney Love, on Al Gore (5/99, recounting an event of 10/98):

"He goes 'I'm a really big fan.' And I was like 'Yeah, right. Name a song, Al'. The answer came limply back: 'I can't name a song, I'm just a really big fan.'"

Define "fan." He never actually said he was a fan of your music, just you...

Vice-president George Bush, on a tour of the Auschwitz death camp (1987):

"Boy, they were big on crematoriums, weren't they?"

Arthur Schlesinger, Jr. in Foreign Affairs, July/August 1995:

"We are not going to achieve a new world order without paying for it in blood as well as in words and money."

David Rockefeller, a founder of the Trilateral Commission, in an address to the Commission (6/91):

"We are grateful to The Washington Post, The New York Times, Time Magazine and other great publications whose directors have attended our meetings and respected their promises of discretion for almost forty years. It would have been impossible for us to develop our plan for the world if we had been subject to the bright lights of publicity during those years. But, the work is now much more sophisticated and prepared to march towards a world government. The supranational sovereignty of an intellectual elite and world bankers is surely preferable to the national autodetermination practiced in past centuries."

Sen. Barry Goldwater (R-AZ), on TV shows about nuclear war:

"Some programs have been theatrical masterpieces, but all we're seeing is the negative side of nuclear war."

Senator and presidential candidate Bob Dole on the merits of Florida oranges versus California oranges (said during a speech in California, 3/25/96):

"I know there are California oranges and Florida oranges. When I'm in Florida, I like Florida oranges. Today, I think California oranges are the best, of course."

Dan Quayle, on motherhood:

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and her child."

Presidential candidate George Bush, to the American Legion in Louisville, Kentucky on September 7, 1988:

"This is Pearl Harbor Day. 47 years ago to this very day, we were hit and hit hard at Pearl Harbor."

President Bill Clinton, on the Persian Gulf Resolution:

"I guess I would have voted with the majority if it was a close vote. But I agree with the arguments the minority made."

Bob Dole on PACs (1983):

"When these political action committees give money, they expect something in return other than good government."

R. Buckminster Fuller on politics (1966):

"By 2000, politics will simply fade away. We will not see any political parties."

President Ronald Reagan, on pollution:

"Eighty percent of air pollution comes from plants and trees."

U.S. Secretary of the Navy John Lehman:

"Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat."

Ron Ziegler, press secretary to President Richard Nixon:

"This is the operative statement. The others are inoperative."

George Bush, on his principles:

"I hope I stand for anti-bigotry, anti-semitism, anti-racism. This is what drives me."

Rev. Jesse Jackson, on the prison system:

"Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master."

From a letter written by Washington D.C. mayor Marion Barry:

"I am providing you with a copulation of answers to several questions raised."

Robert Shapiro to Judge Lance Ito during the O.J. Simpson murder trial (1994):

"Race is not, and will not be an issue in this case."

New Hampshire governor John Sununu to Treasury Secretary James Baker:

Sununu: "You're telling us that the reason things are so bad is that they are so good, and they will get better as soon as they get worse?"

Baker: "You got it."

Media mogul Ted Turner, on the suicide of 39 Heaven's Gate cultists (1997):

"A good way to get rid of a few nuts."

Senate chaplain Rev. Halbers (retired 1994), opening a session of the Senate with a prayer:

"Sovereign Lord of history and the nations, we pray for the senators running for reelection. Give wisdom to those who direct their campaigns. Give the senators special persuasion in speech and provide wherever needed adequate campaign funds. We pray in His name, through whom Thou dost promise to supply all our needs, according to Your riches and glory. Amen."

Pat Robertson about certain Christian sects, to his "700 Club" audience (1/91):

"You say you're supposed to be nice to the Episcopalians and the Presbyterians and Methodists and this, that and the other thing. Nonsense! I don't have to be nice to the spirit of the Antichrist. I can love the people who hold false opinions, but I don't have to be nice to them."

Vice President Dan Quayle, on the Republican party:

"We offer the party as a big tent. How we do that within the platform, the preamble to the platform, or whatnot, that remains to be seen. But that message will have to be articulated with great clarity."

President Gerald Ford, on the School Lunch Bill:

"I strongly support the feeding of children."

Attorney general Jocelyn Elders, on teen sex (1994):

"If I could be the condom queen and get every young person in the United States who is engaging in sex to use a condom, I would wear a crown on my head with a condom on it."

I'll skip that image, thank you very much.

President Bill Clinton, on 70's TV (1996):

"I'm someone who has a deep emotional attachment to 'Starsky and Hutch.'"

Louis Farrakhan, speaking at the Islamic Center of America in Detroit, Michigan, after claiming that the U.S. government was filled with the "forces of evil" and "people in positions of power with a Satanic mentality" (11/15/98):

"We should perform a jihad. [They are] frightened, and we must frighten them even more."

Lt. Col. Oliver North, on the arms-for-hostage terrorist deal:

"I would have promised those terrorists a trip to Disneyland if it would have gotten the hostages released. I thank God they were satisfied with the missiles and we didn't have to go to that extreme."

Deng Xiaoping exhorting his forces as they prepared to terminate the Tiananmen Square gathering (1989):

"Be reasonable with the students and make sure they see the logic in what we're doing."

President Bill Clinton, on unemployment:

"They've managed to keep their unemployment low although their overall unemployment is high."

News anchor Peter Jennings, commenting on the 1994 Republican takeover of both houses of Congress (11/94):

"The voters had a temper tantrum...the nation can't be run by an angry 2-year-old."